You can give a gamer something to have, like a new game, a lamp, or a controller grip. Or you can give something to do, like a night out, a trip to a convention, or a planned evening of co-op. Both are good. The question is which one does more for the relationship.
There’s real research on this, and it points in a clear direction, with a few honest caveats. This post compares experience gifts and material gifts for a gamer partner: what the research found, where gaming complicates it, and how to choose.
What the research found
Cindy Chan (University of Toronto) and Cassie Mogilner (UCLA) tested whether gifts people can experience or things they can keep do more for relationships. Their paper, published in the Journal of Consumer Research in 2017, reported in the abstract that experiential gifts strengthened relationships more than material gifts, as judged by recipients, in experiments on real gift exchanges. The abstract also says this held whether or not the giver and recipient consumed the gift together, and attributes the benefit to the recipient’s emotional intensity while consuming the gift.
A University of Toronto news article on the work adds context: 78% of respondents said their most recent gift was a material gift rather than an experience, and some emotionally evocative material gifts, such as a framed photo, also strengthened relationships. The article describes the research as four studies and gives no sample sizes, and the full paper is paywalled, so we haven’t seen the details.
Where the comparison gets interesting for gamers
The research separates “experiences” from “things” cleanly. Gaming blurs the line. A game is a thing you own and also an experience you live through. So the interesting question for a gamer partner isn’t “experience versus object.” It’s “what’s the experience this gift unlocks, and is it shared?”
Take a co-op game. It’s an object in a box, but the gift is the hours of play you’ll spend together. That’s much closer to an experience gift than a piece of hardware they’ll use alone. Our post on gaming couples goes deeper on why shared play matters.
Round one: experience gifts
Strengths
- Emotional payoff. The research points to the intensity of emotion during the experience as the driver.
- Memory. You get a story to tell, which is useful when someone at a family table asks what you’ve been up to.
- Not limited by their existing collection. You can’t duplicate an evening.
Weaknesses
- Scheduling. They require two calendars to line up.
- No physical token. On the day, there may be nothing to unwrap unless you add something.
- Higher stakes if it flops. A bad experience is a worse memory than a wrong object.
Round two: material gifts
Strengths
- Easy to give and receive. There’s something to hold.
- Can be personal. The U of T write-up notes that emotionally evocative objects, such as a framed photo, also strengthened relationships in one study.
- Lasting reminder. It stays in their space.
Weaknesses
- Risk of mismatch. Platform, taste, duplicates.
- Can feel impersonal. A generic upgrade says less than a thoughtful gesture.
- Price becomes the signal. And as a separate line of research suggests, recipients don’t link price to appreciation the way givers expect. We covered that in yesterday’s post on gift budgets.
The scorecard
| Factor | Experience gift | Material gift |
|---|---|---|
| Effect on the relationship (per the Chan & Mogilner abstract) | Stronger | Weaker, except when emotionally evocative |
| Ease | Needs planning | Easy |
| Risk of mismatch | Lower | Higher |
| Something to unwrap | Not unless you add a token | Yes |
| Fits a long-distance couple | Possible (virtual) | Needs shipping time |
The first row comes from the research. The rest are our judgment.
Which one fits your situation?
- Your partner is a homebody. A cozy at-home experience, like a planned co-op night with snacks, may beat a big outing.
- Your partner is hard to shop for. Experiences lower the risk of a wrong object.
- You’re early in dating. A small experience carries less weight than a big gift and gives you time together.
- You’re long distance. A virtual experience, like starting a new game together on a call, solves shipping problems.
- They’ve named a specific thing they want. Get the thing. Listening is a form of thoughtfulness.
Questions to ask yourself before you decide
- When they think of this gift in a month, what will they remember?
- Do we both have time and energy for an experience right now?
- Is there a small object that could make the experience feel more real?
- Would they rather have my time or my wallet this season?
How to combine both
The best answer is often a hybrid. Give a small physical token that points to an experience. A printed ticket. A map with a date circled. A game case with a note inside that says “co-op night, Saturday.” You get the unwrapping moment and the shared time.
Ideas, sorted by type
- Experiences: an arcade night, a board game café, a convention day, a planned co-op marathon with snacks.
- Evocative objects: a framed screenshot of a shared moment, a printed map from a game world you explored together.
- Hybrids: a co-op game with a “date” written inside the case, a cozy game-night box with snacks and a card.
An example: one budget, two ways
Say you have a modest budget. Option one is a small accessory for their setup. Option two is a night out at an arcade or board game café, plus a printed ticket you hand over in a card. Both fit the budget. The second one gives you an evening together and a story, and, if the research holds for your partner, a bigger lift for the relationship. The first is easier and still thoughtful. Neither is wrong; they just do different things.
A note on caveats
This is one study, from one research team, summarized from an abstract and a news article. It doesn’t tell you that objects are bad or that an expensive experience beats a thoughtful object. It tells you that experiences, on average and as judged by recipients, did more for relationship strength in their experiments. Your partner is not an average. Pay attention to what lights them up.
For the full picture, read our complete guide to gifts for a gamer partner. And if you’re still looking for someone to plan a co-op night with, download LFGdating or create a free profile.