Although we feel this is a general rule that applies to multiple areas of our personal and professional lives, stating your dealbreakers early is paramount to dating success (whether online or not!). Think of it as a job qualification. The employer must state all qualifications – licenses, certifications, years of experience, etcetera – or else their inbox will be filled with resumes and applications that simply won’t do. Hence, job postings have qualifications; or in dating speak, dealbreakers.
As Erika Ettin describes in a recent blog post for Philly.com, “The last thing you want is for someone to go out with you only to be disappointed because you didn’t disclose something really important in your profile.” Stating your dealbreakers upfront in your profile is more than just something you could do to avoid this from happening. It’s your responsibility.
Personally, when I met my beautiful girlfriend Melissa, I knew that I was looking for a lifelong partner, not just someone to ‘see how things go’. Which would have been fine if I wasn’t in that spot in my life, but alas, I was. And because I wasn’t afraid or timid about this, we found that we both wanted that. And that propelled us from the beginning.
To best help you fit your dealbreakers into your potential or current relationship, remember these two key points:
1.Be conscious that only you know your dealbreakers before you share them. You cannot fault a potential significant other for sharing something six months into the relationship that scares you back five months if the two of you never opened up enough to share these aspects.
2. Be considerate of the other person’s dealbreakers and take your time understanding the why behind them. We are more than our dealbreakers. Your date is no different.
And if the two of you don’t match up the way you envisioned because you want different things from this life, just because you may not date, doesn’t mean you cannot become worthwhile friends.
Don’t pull a Constanza