How to Play Scary Games With a Date (Without Ruining the Night)

Horror games are a great shared activity right up until one person is gripping a pillow in silence and the other is narrating every jump scare like a sports commentator.

This is the playbook for avoiding that: what to agree on before you press start, how to read the room mid-session, and how to end the night well whether it went perfectly or not. If you want the bigger picture on spooky-season dating, our complete horror game date night guide covers the why. This post is the how.

One thing up front. Scary content is not for everyone, and saying “not my thing” is a completely normal answer that needs no explanation. If you already know you don’t enjoy it, skip to the cozy side of the shelf. Our scary games vs. cozy games comparison is built for exactly that choice.

Before you play: set it up together

Pick the intensity as a pair

Ask each other two questions: what’s the scariest thing you’ve actually enjoyed, and what made you quit something halfway? People enjoy scary games at very different intensities, and what’s thrilling for one person can be plainly unpleasant for another. Start at the lower of your two answers. You can escalate next time; you can’t un-scare someone.

Agree on a pause word and a switch-games rule

Choose one word that means “pause now, no questions.” Something that won’t come up naturally, like “lantern” or “save point.” Then add a second rule: either player can call a switch to something lighter, and the other person says “sure” and means it.

Don’t trust the age rating to tell you how scary a game is

Ratings are useful, but they measure something other than fear. The ESRB’s content descriptors cover things like blood, gore and violence. They don’t have a descriptor for how tense or startling a game is, so a game with a mild rating can still be a nerve-shredder, and a gory one can be oddly relaxed. Watch a trailer together, skim reviews that mention atmosphere and jump scares, or ask a friend who has played it.

Online co-op has one extra check

If you’re playing over the internet, look for the ESRB interactive element called “Users Interact.” It flags possible exposure to unfiltered user-generated content, which includes voice and text chat with other players. If you and your date are in a private party, that mostly doesn’t matter. If you’re queueing into public lobbies, mute strangers by default and decide in advance what you’ll do if someone is rude.

A note on flashing lights

Some games use strobing effects, and the PlayStation health warning notes that a very small percentage of people may experience seizures or blackouts from certain flashing lights or patterns. If either of you, or anyone in your family, has a seizure history, the warning’s advice is to consult your doctor before playing. It also recommends playing in a well-lit area, sitting as far from the screen as practical, taking regular breaks, and stopping immediately if you feel dizzy, notice vision changes or twitching, or lose awareness. That’s the manufacturer’s guidance, so check the current notice for your console.

During: keep it a date, not an endurance test

• Lights and volume are dials. A dim room and headphones make a game scarier. A lamp on and speakers at a sane level make it manageable. Adjust without apologizing.
• Take breaks on purpose. Pause at natural stopping points, stand up, get water, talk about something unrelated. Breaks aren’t a sign that someone is losing.
• Check in lightly. A quick “how are we doing?” between sections beats a long conversation about feelings mid-chase. Use the comfort scale below if talking feels like too much.
• Humor helps. Joke about how badly you both handled the last corner. Laugh with each other, never at the person who got startled.
• Nobody has to stay in the room. If one of you wants to watch from the couch, hold the flashlight in a co-op game, or step out for a minute, that’s a legitimate way to play.

The copy-paste comfort scale

Send this before you play, or keep it open on your phone. One number is enough to say what you’d otherwise have to explain.

Comfort scale

1. I’m not into this. Let’s switch games.
2. I’d like to pause and reset.
3. I’m okay, but keep it where it is.
4. I’m enjoying this. A little more is fine.
5. I’m having a great time. Bring it on.

Any answer is fine. No explanation needed.

Check in at the start, at a natural break, and whenever the game ramps up. A 2 means pause. A 1 means switch. Nobody asks why.

After: debrief and keep the pressure off

When the credits roll or you call it, spend a few minutes on something lighter before you part ways. Talk about the best moment, the worst decision, who panicked first, and what you’d change next time.

There’s no obligation to repeat it. If it was fun, say so and make a plan when you both feel like it. If it wasn’t, saying “not my thing” kindly is simple:

“I’m glad we tried it. Horror isn’t really my thing, but I’d love to play something else together. Want to pick a co-op game next time?”

That works because it’s honest, it doesn’t blame the other person, and it offers an alternative.

If scary media leaves you shaken in a way that lingers, or if fear or panic is a real problem in your life, talk to a health care provider. A date is not a treatment, and nobody should have to push through distress to be a good sport.

Long-distance and online variant

Playing apart works well for horror, with a few adjustments. Share a screen or use co-op voice chat, and agree on the pause word before you connect. Say what you’re feeling out loud more than you would in person. The comfort scale is useful here because a typed “2” is easier to send than a sentence. If someone needs to drop off, they can leave the party without a speech, and you reconnect afterward.

First date versus later date

On a first date, start gentler than you think you need to. Horror games are intense, you don’t yet know each other’s limits, and you’re also trying to enjoy each other’s company. A lower-key co-op game, or one where you take turns with the controller, leaves room for conversation. Save the heavy hitters for a date when you know how the other person reacts to being startled, and how they like to be checked on. Later dates can go further once both of you have said so.

Looking for someone who already speaks this language?

If you’d rather find a player two who’s up for a spooky-season session (or who’d happily skip it), that’s what LFGdating is for. Every member is a gamer, every profile is reviewed by a human, and you can say what you’re into up front. Get the LFGdating app or sign up free.